Why You Must Ride The Barrow 100k!!!!!!

Look,lets be honest. Life is short. We can sit around waiting for the thermometer to go north of single figures, or the barometer to quit falling as oddly-named storms batter the rock we live on. But you might have to wait a long time. Instead, your conscience is telling you that you need to gather yourself for the Barrow Sportif in a little over a week. Listen to the voice of reason in your head. YOU NEED TO GET GOING! But theres a long list of reasons why. First of all, you need to get over the grit-driven season of base training, open up your system to big gulps of air and remind your body why you got off the couch and started cycling in the first place. A heart-rate of 60 whilst on said couch, feet resting on a slab o' Dutch isn't our natural state! The sooner we get up and at it the better the year will be, the longer the season too. Secondly, its time to prep your bike! Your bike is a reliable horse that needs care. It needs to be event-ready! Get the thing overhauled! Treat it to the equivalent of a facial or colonic, get the cables done, chain replaced, check those bloody tyres that probably have enough cumulative tiny shards of glass on board to make up a bottle in total. We are all up to ninety about the names of who'll be flying at season's start and from where, when really, the only names on your mind should be your local bike mechanic's. Haul your ass down to George or Johnny or David or Paul and don't show up to your first event with a fit body on a failing machine. Rust is not a sign you've been training in the rain. Squeeks don't mean you have to put out more watts. Worn tyres don't prove your mileage. Pitted headsets do not 'liven up' cornering. Buckled wheels may be bothersome to fix but that beats rubbing the paint off your ten grand bespoke frame. And brake blocks. The 'wear-line' is on the blocks, its not the line worn in your wheel rim! Sludge in your derailleur cannot be used as bottom bracket grease later. A smooth running bike is a joy to behold. Thirdly, its too easy to be anti-social, big ourselves up on social media such as grouptexts or turn ourselves into kakoa-nuts and live in a cocoon all winter. Its good to get out,hear live conversation, see real people, not some graphics on a screen. Some people don't see outside their pain cave until Paddy's Day and by then they have scabbed knuckles and can't hold a conversation that doesn't contain numbers. The Sportif prevents this early-onset-troglodyte-syndrome. Fourthly, starting the Barrow Wheelers event will save on razors/lady-shaves/trips to A+E. Why? Look, if we don't bare the legs until Spring has truly sprung, you'll be harvesting instead of shaving. Why use up a Taiwanese factory's output of cheap blades on each leg in April when you can get started in January and prevent that moment when you fall over at pedestrian lights because your leg hair is between the 53 ring and chain. An early sportif can also prevent that awkward conversation with your partner about burning out the ladyshave and the subsequent acrid smell of burnt plastic in the en suite. Or, horror of horrors, the call of shame from A+E regarding the profuse bleeding as you slit your knee open with the switch-blade in the steam-filled shower. Silky smooth legs in January also saves on rain or dirt or snot forming attachments to your legs. Flailing snots from fellow cyclists can dangle off hairy pins until you think a miniature Bear Grylls is absailing from them. Trust me, the Barrow 100 will solve all these problems. And fifthly; What about the economy? Haven't said partners bought all that you wanted for Christmas? The silk tubs, the custom Garmins, plush shorts, sexy eyewear...the list is endless and bordering on pornographic. All that jewellery needs an airing. The carbon has to come out, the shiney, un-dirtied kit needs to impress. Similarly, to help the economy, you must pay your bikeshop for the aforementioned work, buy enough gels to slow a Sherman tank, buy tubs of High-5 too, and of course, you have to sit in your local coffee shop discussing the event before and after, quaffing flat-whites and once again... boosting the economy! So, while you him and haw over the start of your season, really, there's a lot more to it than unhooking the bike and setting off. Come on! Think it over! You know you want to! See you on Sunday 31st!